im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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