Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
