I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
