So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
