I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
