Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
