There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
