I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
