Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize