i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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