we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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