Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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