Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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