He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
