I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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