Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
