My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize