I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
