Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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