I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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