Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
My liver just had a heart attack.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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