I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
