i can't believe i had my finger in that
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
