The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
