That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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