i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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