PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Randomize
