I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
