She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
