Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
