I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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