Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
