so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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