I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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