i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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