I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
