Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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