I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
