NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
