My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
