Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
