I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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