Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
