dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
