The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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