He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
