He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
