I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
