Your tits are I can't wait for
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
