i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
