I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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