remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
