Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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