So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
