if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
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