It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
This baby is an asshole
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
