Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize