yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
