Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm at about main and main street
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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