there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
