And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize