Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
