I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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