My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize