I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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