You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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