I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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