Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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