I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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