Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize