I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
