almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
