Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Randomize
