what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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