He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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