you guys were way drunker than both of me
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
