How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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