so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
