Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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