Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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