We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
