Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
