What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
two words...techno handjob
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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