hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
