What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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