We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I deserve this hangover.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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