The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
