I bet he comes in French.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
