i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
