I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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