she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
