when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
