You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
