I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
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