you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
