it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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