sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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