now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
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