I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
