I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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