You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
