I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
