just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
