I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
