We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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