boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
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