The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
