Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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