i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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