brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
