you're like a bully in the Christmas story
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
