i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
