you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
