That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
