I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
