I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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