the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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