Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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