yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
