There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
